Embracing the Hate

A few days ago you blew up my text with just such hatred and mean and negative things. I was mind boggled, in shock and awe, and just plain dumb-founded by your words, realizing your words weren’t yours but hers!

I figured out a while ago that you’re with her and I’m ok with that as long as you’re happy. What I don’t like is you’re ok to talk about me even though I stood by you. You’re ok to let someone disrespect me when I’ve never done that to you. And I can’t fathom why she needed to start drama when I haven’t done anything wrong, sad what jealousy will do to a person!

No one has ever heard you speak ill will or down to me and they are just as baffled as I. I don’t know what to think, I’m at the point where there just is never going back, how do you forgive someone that is ok to purposely hurt you intentionally?

But as I am told, You don’t! I did my thing and if you’re not willing to forgive yourself then it’s your burden to carry. That is your sin! God always has a plan.

It’s sad to have that rejection. It’s not my burden but my heart that is heavy! I know God has a plan, I know God wouldn’t give me more than I can handle but I ask myself 20 years of love, support and comfort for you and you’re ok to break me. I can’t tell you what a hold you have on me, maybe I was hoping, a small chance that you actually cared or that all the lies you told me were small truths.

The I love you, the you’re my everything, the you make me a better person, the I want to marry you!  Why ask me to marry you, set a date and claim your undying love, Why I ask!!! It’s all lies, you never meant it. To you, those are just words with no meaning
20 years of all those lies! 
Normal people don’t go around purposely hurting others, the sad part is I’ve walked away so many times knew it was for the best yet you found a way to draw me back in telling me all the crap I want to hear to booom to pull the rug out from under me once again like an old rerun of Charlie Brown.
Today I stood strong, that hate she has for me God has cleansed me of it. So to the woman who feels the need to hate me out of jealousy. this is to you!
I just want to say I FORGIVE YOU! I forgive you for your betrayal, I forgive you for thinking its OK to pretend to be him, and I forgive you for lying. You see your text message on Monday I know wasn’t from him, I have had 20 years of talking to him to know how he writes, how he speaks, even if he was there with you. I know it wasn’t him, not his words or his thoughts! but as I said I FORGIVE YOU! I even forgive you for lying to him and his family claiming that I am supposedly Calling and hanging up on you! I didn’t even know you existed so how could I get your number, but don’t worry I have my phone bills to prove that the first time I ever spoke to you or even called you was Monday! the truth always comes out!
So let me hit on some things you said in your text. I’m pathetic about my wanting a divorce, if that makes me pathetic OK I guess I am! you see I know that NO relationship is perfect whether it is with your siblings, parents, or friends, but then again I can see why your so angry I would be angry too if someone I cared about and supposedly they cared about me took a vow for better and worse and then left me, You can’t go around hating people because your husband left you (well that’s what I heard anyway)
You said that I was his thought, Ok I think I will take that as a compliment you see that thought he had was for over 20 years, 2 decades (if your unsure what a decade is its 10 years so that’s 20 years) of letters, phone calls, a friendship that grew, and that thought he had was told by him to his family so I guess I’m ok with that! Do I love him YES with no doubt! You should feel lucky HE IS ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS!
You also pointed out that his family doesn’t want me around, which is ok again I can understand your frustration as a woman it’s so easy to hate another woman for NO REASON at all, but you see I have established a relationship with them for more than a decade, (again over 10 years) I don’t feel the need to disrespect them, or hate them for no reason and I have NEVER felt the need to barge in on their family and take advantage of them!
You can HATE me all you want, you know NOTHING about my life but a small and I mean very tiny of a fraction of what has been said about me, its kind of like glancing at a book, skimming the pages, you don’t know what the book is about till you read it, Now I am NOT expecting you to like me, as I don’t really care about you, Well I shouldnt say that God does say in Matthew 5:44 Love your enemies, bless those that curse you, do good to those that hate you, and pray for those who speak evil about you, and persecute you; So Ill end this now but again I FORGIVE you, maybe its time to forgive yourself God doesnt like ugly (not in a beautified way) but in heart! and I will continue to pray for you!
 Many blessings to you,
Signed a woman that loves him enough!



What I want

I love the person that you are so when you ask me what I want from you.

I want a friendship that was lost many years ago. The support that I don’t have whether I’m having a crazy day of tears and self-doubt about who I am or a great day because at that moment I found my strength. Understanding that I am broken flawed and imperfect and validation that who I am is ok and that what I do is ok.

So if you can do that that would be perfect. There is no doubt that the love I had for you never really went away and I want to get to know you. No strings attached whatever comes…comes. But I DONT want to lose you again.




Sadly it wasn’t until just a few days ago that I realized it was time to finally move on, I know sad and pathetic but when you love someone you look past all their faults, mistakes and imperfections. I had a great relationship with you and believe me I was even thrilled when you asked me to marry you, we picked out a date and everything. But what took me forever to realize is that you never loved me the way I did you. With all your empty promises, your lies, and games, don’t get me wrong I truly love you. I just know that loving you has to be from afar cause you are ok with breaking me. I know pathetic! For 20 years I would have done anything for you and the friendship we built over the years was still very real for me, we talked all the time, exchanged texts, letters, phone calls, video chats, a family and so much more, and then one day you forget about me!

I deserve God blessings and even if it took me so long to see my worth, the best part is that I’ve found my worth. My heart breaks there is no denying I need to find my happiness in the midst of wrongdoings.

You wont dim my shine I’ve polished off and will now shine brighter for the one who is truly worthy of my love. I am a beautiful person amidst my adversity.

I finally know my worth!!!

I think I am so over it, no I don’t think I know I am.  I used to look at your pictures and just get so happy now I am just so over the bullshit, lies, and games with you!

I told you that if he found someone to go and be happy. But, what pisses me off is how I find out, like man up! You talked all this bullshit of marriage and the I Love You’s but couldn’t be honest about some girl. Didn’t have the courage to tell me. I have spent the last 20 years praying you would actually love me, and f$#@ what a damn waste that was.

I am done. I think I have been done for a few months now cause before I would look at your pictures, letters, texts and video chats, after the letter I sent you confronting you on how hurt I was how you had nothing to say in return all those memories of happier times got deleted or trashed. I wish you well I do and I pray your life is a good life fulfilled with all you hold dear.

I hope you NEVER have to look back and feel regret or ever have to feel the pain I have had to endure that was caused by you.

I want NOTHING to do with you and I think I am finally OK with that.

I now know my worth took me awhile but I’ gonna do me without you!


Truth about life

Dont Judge
The more time you waste not being your authentic self and getting the most out of every precious second. Time, not money, is your most valuable asset.
Your material wealth won’t make you a better or happier person.
Your obsession with finding happiness is what prevents its attainment. Happiness is always present in your life–it’s just a matter of connecting to it and allowing it to flow through you that’s challenging.
Giving your time is a way to change your perception and create a memory for yourself and others that will last forever.
You can’t make everyone happy, and if you try, you’ll lose yourself. Stop trying to please, and start respecting your values, principles, and autonomy.
You can’t be perfect, and holding yourself to unrealistic standards creates suffering.
Many perfectionists have unrelenting inner critics that are full of so much rage and self-hate that it tears them apart inside. Fight back against that negative voice, amplify your intuition, and start challenging your unrealistic standards.
Your actions speak louder than your words, so you need to hold yourself accountable. Be responsible and take actions that increase positivity and love.
Your talent means nothing without consistent effort and practice.
Now is the only time that matters, You can’t control the past, and you can’t predict the future, and trying to do so only removes you from the one thing you can control–the present.
Nobody cares how difficult your life is, and you are the author of your life’s story. Stop looking for people to give you sympathy and start creating the life story you want to read.
Words have the power to oppress, hurt, and shame, but they also have the power to liberate and inspire–start using them more wisely.
Investing in yourself isn’t selfish. It’s the most worthwhile thing you can do.
Pleasure is temporary and fleeting, so stop chasing fireworks and start building a constellation. Don’t settle for an ego boost right now when you can delay gratification and experience deeper fulfillment.
Your ambition means nothing without execution.
Time is your most valuable asset–you need to prioritize how you spend it.

6 Differences Between A Man Who Loves You And A Man Who Is Poisoning Your Life

It is not easy to find the real love. It is even harder to know whether or not it is real when you deal with mixed feelings. But, deep down we all have that voice in the back of our head that will not shut up. Have you ever asked yourself whether or not the man you are with is there for the right reasons? In this article, we will give you the six differences between a man who loves you and one who is poisoning your relationship and wasting your time.
  1. Respectful vs. Tolerant
The real man, the man who loves you, will respect you and appreciate you for your strong opinions. But, on the other hand, there are men who will tell you that you are wrong or agree to let you think what you want, but without believing that your opinion is important as theirs.
  1. Encouraging vs. Controlling
A man who loves a woman will encourage her to follow new opportunities and experiences. The real man may introduce her to a lot of new things, but the most important is that he will never force her into something she is not comfortable with.
  1. Honest vs. Cruel
Men who love women will tell them what they need to hear. For example, if you ask him how you look in a pair of jeans and he tells you that you should change, that does not mean he is evil. He is just honest.  But, if a man who tells you to lose weight, he insults the things you like or your style. You should know that he does it because he does not respect you and knows that if he is talking to you like that, he can get away.
  1. Affectionate vs. Clingy
Do you want a man who will text, call and want to be with you 24/7?  Some women think that this sounds great, but they should think better of this, because constantly checking up on you and needing the reassurance of their place in your life, indicates that he is in this more for himself than for you. A man who loves you will certainly let it show both emotionally and physically. A clingy man has emotional problems and wants to talk to you so he feels validated, not so you feel good.
  1. Protective vs. Possessive
It is natural to protect something you care about. In a case he keeps you in close sight and his arm around your shoulders while you two are out at the club, that is great. But, if he does not let you go anywhere alone or starts fights with men who try to talk to you, then he is possessive.
  1. Serious vs. Interested
A man who is interested in you will talk to you when the times are convenient for him. This should be expected if the relationship is new. But, if you two have been official for a while and he still only seems to talk when it is good for him, then it is obvious that he is not in love. You will know that he is the right man when you take a step back and analyze your relationship, your interactions and your overall level of happiness.